Underwear on the Outside
A recent conversation with my cousin on the phone quickly degenerated into a two-sided shouting gallery of nonsensical noises, with a side of incomprehensible laughter. This made this converesation quite typical for us. What was a typical about this particular talk, however, was that it actually provoked some thought in me afterwards. Yes, apparently it is possible.
Having been geeks and dorks of the first order for our entire lives, the two of us had begun discussing hated comic book superheroes. The idea seems incongruous at first consideration - an individual who generally does selfless things, risking life and limb to save people they don't even know, or possibly even like. Are we as an audience really capable of being as callous as that?
Well, yeah, of course we are. These guys are tools, and let's meet a few of the ones that bother yours truly:
Aquaman
No look at reviled superheroes can fail to include this guy, for Aquaman is truly the inflamed appendix of the superhero universe. His usefulness is nonexistent ("Drop those guns, are the next time you go swimming at the beach jellyfish will mercilessly sting you!") unless the poor guy is in his element (water), in which case he has the option of getting the denizens of the oceans to do his dirty work. Being such a specialized superhero does not exactly endear you to the fans ("Ooh, look, this week Aquaman's going to repel henchmen of evil oil drilling companies! Again! And they're armed with spear guns this time!"), along with sporting green tights with fish scales on them.
Robin
The Boy Wonder is a victim of guilt by association, sadly. Not that Batman isn't a cool superhero - quite the opposite in fact. The Dark Knight is a brooding, ruthless millionaire replete with world-class athleticism and genius-level intellect. And next to him stands a pipsqueak of a kid garbed in bright primary colors. Being associated with Batman accentuates all the things that people hate about Robin - namely that he is not Batman. Also, his name is "Robin." I suppose if I were a criminal, I would feel slightly more confident tangling with someone named "Squirrel" or "Cuddly Bunny." But only slightly.
Jubilee
This is a very similar manifestation of the same problem that plagues Robin. If you're going to ride the coattails of someone as cool as Wolverine, it would behoove you to be packing a mutant power that's more impressive than causing fireworks to appear out of nowhere. You don't need to be a mutant to do that, drunk college students sneaking across certain state lines can do exactly the same thing. Also, does a superhero really needed to be using a code name that's a compressed version of her real name? Apprently affirmative action is no more forgiving upon the X-Men as it is upon anyone else.
Finally, we have arrived at my personal pet peeve of all time:
Superman
I realize that this may be a controversial choice, as Superman has a large and rightfully earned fan base. But the ultimate comic book superhero of all time should not, in my humble opinion, be zooming about in a costume that is primarily red and blue, with a splash of yellow.
I also fully realize that Superman is nigh invincible. The guy is a solar-powered nonstop dynamo of devastation, stopping locomotives with tall buildings in a single bound of speeding bullets and what not. His Achilles' Heel is a mysterious compound conveniently not native to Earth at all, although apparently Lex Luthor grows the stuff in his backyard along with his carrots. Superman is power personified.
But where's the heroism in that? Where's the vulnerability? It's mind-numbingly easy to fight crime and defend the planet when you realize that the only things which can pose remote threats to your safety probably eat stars for lunch. I submit that the guy with the bulletproof flesh who foils a bank robbery is merely being a good Samaritan. The ordinary human being who battles the criminally insane is a hero (yeah, yeah, I'll stop with the Batman thing now).
So, yes, Superman is powerful. Yes, he can roll over almost all opposition quickly and efficiently. But how many people hate the New York Yankees?
Yes, you can flame me in the comments. It'll be fun. =o)
pb78
Having been geeks and dorks of the first order for our entire lives, the two of us had begun discussing hated comic book superheroes. The idea seems incongruous at first consideration - an individual who generally does selfless things, risking life and limb to save people they don't even know, or possibly even like. Are we as an audience really capable of being as callous as that?
Well, yeah, of course we are. These guys are tools, and let's meet a few of the ones that bother yours truly:
Aquaman
No look at reviled superheroes can fail to include this guy, for Aquaman is truly the inflamed appendix of the superhero universe. His usefulness is nonexistent ("Drop those guns, are the next time you go swimming at the beach jellyfish will mercilessly sting you!") unless the poor guy is in his element (water), in which case he has the option of getting the denizens of the oceans to do his dirty work. Being such a specialized superhero does not exactly endear you to the fans ("Ooh, look, this week Aquaman's going to repel henchmen of evil oil drilling companies! Again! And they're armed with spear guns this time!"), along with sporting green tights with fish scales on them.
Robin
The Boy Wonder is a victim of guilt by association, sadly. Not that Batman isn't a cool superhero - quite the opposite in fact. The Dark Knight is a brooding, ruthless millionaire replete with world-class athleticism and genius-level intellect. And next to him stands a pipsqueak of a kid garbed in bright primary colors. Being associated with Batman accentuates all the things that people hate about Robin - namely that he is not Batman. Also, his name is "Robin." I suppose if I were a criminal, I would feel slightly more confident tangling with someone named "Squirrel" or "Cuddly Bunny." But only slightly.
Jubilee
This is a very similar manifestation of the same problem that plagues Robin. If you're going to ride the coattails of someone as cool as Wolverine, it would behoove you to be packing a mutant power that's more impressive than causing fireworks to appear out of nowhere. You don't need to be a mutant to do that, drunk college students sneaking across certain state lines can do exactly the same thing. Also, does a superhero really needed to be using a code name that's a compressed version of her real name? Apprently affirmative action is no more forgiving upon the X-Men as it is upon anyone else.
Finally, we have arrived at my personal pet peeve of all time:
Superman
I realize that this may be a controversial choice, as Superman has a large and rightfully earned fan base. But the ultimate comic book superhero of all time should not, in my humble opinion, be zooming about in a costume that is primarily red and blue, with a splash of yellow.
I also fully realize that Superman is nigh invincible. The guy is a solar-powered nonstop dynamo of devastation, stopping locomotives with tall buildings in a single bound of speeding bullets and what not. His Achilles' Heel is a mysterious compound conveniently not native to Earth at all, although apparently Lex Luthor grows the stuff in his backyard along with his carrots. Superman is power personified.
But where's the heroism in that? Where's the vulnerability? It's mind-numbingly easy to fight crime and defend the planet when you realize that the only things which can pose remote threats to your safety probably eat stars for lunch. I submit that the guy with the bulletproof flesh who foils a bank robbery is merely being a good Samaritan. The ordinary human being who battles the criminally insane is a hero (yeah, yeah, I'll stop with the Batman thing now).
So, yes, Superman is powerful. Yes, he can roll over almost all opposition quickly and efficiently. But how many people hate the New York Yankees?
Yes, you can flame me in the comments. It'll be fun. =o)
pb78
posted by pandabear78 at 10:04 PM
1 Comments:
FLAME ON!!!
If you want lame, no one beats the wonder twins. Not only did they have to ride the coattails of a bunch of other super heros, but one of them could only do water based stuff. I mean, come on. TRANSFORM INTO A BUCKET OF WATER! RAWR!
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